I'm not dead yet!

I n the classic 1975 comedy Monty Python and the Holy Grail, the royal guards walk through the medieval village calling for the townsfolk to "bring out your dead! Bring out your dead!" An old man being carried over the shoulder of his son is crying out quite emphatically, "I'm not dead yet!" It's a phrase that I utter to myself after almost every workout. In the first minutes of a run/walk, I do sometimes feel like I am being dragged kicking and screaming into moving, exercising. And this journey, it's goal, sometimes feels like a quest for the Holy Grail. Elusive, mythical, grand in it's implications but also personal and intimate. There's this thing that seems so unattainable, but has profound meaning. And you embark on the quest to find it knowing full well that the odds are against you and it has always eluded you before. Yet, despite these insurmountable odds, off you go on the journey, searching, pursuing.

What is interesting to me though, is that in every story telling some version of the quest for the Holy Grail (and I tend to reference films, such as Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade, The Davinci Code, the aforementioned Monty Python, and my personal favorite, The Fisher King,) the actual attainment of the Grail itself is secondary. What figures most importantly is the journey. Every character starts out searching for the object, the goal. But what happens is that along the way towards that goal they learn things about themselves, and about life. They are richer because of what is gained on the journey. Indy and his dad find common ground and reaffirm the love between a father and son; Robert Langdon discovers a renewed sense of faith and balance between man and god; Jeff Bridges' character in The Fisher King learns to place the needs and well being of others above his own. What matters is the journey. The path. I may never finish a marathon (I sure intend to though!) But each step along the way yields it's own rewards. Those rewards are physical of course (losing weight, building up strength, more energy.) However, they are just as much emotional and spiritual as well. It's a journey about overall well being. You start to change your habits of mind. Things that have been "I cant's" for so long (I can't run more than 2 minutes; I can't get out of bed at the crack of dawn; I can't go more than a day without eating meat,) slowly turn into I cans. I can run 6 minutes without stopping. I can get out of bed at 5:30 and go out to walk in the snow. I can survive (and even enjoy) 2 weeks of mostly vegetables, fruits, grains, and even like it! (ASIDE: Tonight, however, is the first night of Passover. All bets are off. Matzoh ball soup and turkey here I come!) 

So, with that said, this weeks stats:

Weight Sunday 3/17   283 lbs.

Weight Sunday 3/24   281 lbs.

Total weight loss to date:  7.7 lbs.

A smaller amount, yes, but still went down. I know where I went off the rails a little bit. (It's amazing what a misplaced dinner roll or two can do to your metabolism. Course correction on tap this week!)

Mon.  3/18  run/walk 2.15 miles  31:30 min   (alternating 3 min and 5 min runs with walk time in between)

Wed. 3/20  run/walk 2.82 miles   42:00 min (upped the running portions to 4 min and 6 min ) 

Fri. 3/22   run/walk 3.15 miles    49:05 min (4 min/6 min running again)

Sat. 3/23  walk 3 miles   1 hr.

Total miles this week: 11.12 miles

Last week I mentioned briefly that I am discovering the simple joy of going out very early in the morning. Last week I did that 2 out of my 4 days. Monday was at the rec center, and Saturday was out in the neighborhood. There is something to be said for being up when no one else is. There is a quiet that we almost never get to experience in our waking, regular daytime hours. Even at the rec center (which was practically empty at 5:30 am,) the contrast between the bright florescent light of the gym and the pitch black outside the windows is striking and eerie at times. But also calming. However, the time I notice the serenity of it the most is Saturday mornings when I'm outside. In our neighborhood, the only thing you hear besides your own footsteps is the occasional cry of the coyotes in the adjacent woods. They are far off, voicing their last claims to the darkness before they drift of to sleep. I find myself listening to things more than I usually do. More than I think we all usually do. At some point I put headphones on and listen to NPR on that walk, but not until I've taken time to just listen. Last Saturday was especially interesting. Being out that early (I was on the streets at 5:40am) is a fortress of solitude. You are alone with your thoughts, your body. Nothing to keep you company but the darkness (and the fading coyotes.) There was a fresh dusting of snow on the ground. Nothing substantial, but just enough to make white all the lawns that were green and brown the day before. 

Stepping out of my house, I immediately noticed different sets of animal tracks crisscrossing my front yard. Rabbit tracks here. Deer tracks there. A cat had come right up to my front porch. These tracks were all over the neighborhood, and I began to feel like perhaps I'm not as alone as I had thought. This feeling was solidified when to my surprise about 75 yards down the street from my house progressing in the same direction I was now headed, were the footprints of not a wild animal, but another person! The shoes were significantly smaller than mine. My best guess would be a woman, size 6 or 7. Here was someone crazy like me! Actually, they were probably crazier. Their footprints were spaced farther apart than mine which meant only 1 of 2 things. They were really tall, or they were running. Due to the size of the feet, I figured it was the latter. She had been out early. And she was fast. My first reaction was "Damn it! This is my time. My route. How dare you come out here and go the same route I'm going, and be faster!" That reaction quickly faded as I watched her footsteps and began to appreciate and admire what she was doing out here in the wee pre-dawn chilly Rochester hours. I was envious (in a good way,) and even felt aspiration. To get out here and fly. God, that had to feel great! I began to listen some more and hoped I would pick up on the crunch of her footsteps. I felt like some sort of tracker scouting the frozen wilderness, scanning the footprints for a change in pace. (OK, a real tracker would have put their ear to the ground too, but shit was cold!)  Once or twice I stopped to listen, but couldn't pick her up. In the end, the only footsteps I could hear were my own. She did follow the exact same 3-neighborhood route I take though. And at one point, I came across her footsteps side by side with her own tracks as she clearly had doubled back, the same way I would be doing. She was faster, and earlier. Maybe our paths will cross some Saturday morning. Maybe by then, I can fly by her side for a little bit.

The experience of seeing her tracks was a reminder of the dual nature of this whole endeavor. Running is solitary. It can be lonely. But it's also communal. Someone is out when you are. Someone went even earlier than you because, like you, they are on a journey. They are trying to attain the unattainable. In 6 months and 17 days, I'll be adrift in a sea of humanity. Side by side with 45,000 other brave souls. Each with their own story. Their own journey. Their own reasons for doing this thing. We will all be together in our solitude. That is the paradox

So, why run a marathon?

Because I'm not dead yet!

All roads lead to Chicago!   

1st week post registration

So...6 days ago I registered for the 2013 Chicago Marathon. I then, in a state of shock and over-zealousness, posted it on Facebook. The outpouring of support and encouragement has been so unexpected and overwhelming, and has moved and inspired me more than I can possibly have anticipated. It is also a little intimidating. Perhaps it was foolish to put it out there on FB. Foolish to start this blog. The whole world (well, my whole world at least,) knows what I am embarking on. And for a moment, quite a few moments actually, as the comments and well wishes rolled in, I thought to myself, "Good God. What have I done!?"

I am now beholden to all of you out there. Every step accountable to my friends, family, and acquaintances. And ya know what? Foolish or not, that is just what I need. During my training this past week, in the moments when I thought, "ugh, do I really want to do this?" I then thought of everyone wishing me well. Encouraging me on. Having my back. I thought about my kids who are so excited for a road trip and so excited that their daddy is getting into shape. I thought of my wife who has been cooking me "clean meals" all week, buying me training journals and books.

And so, the first week of my "official" marathon training has passed. I sat down with my wife and sort of formulated a plan of attack. Sometime in June will mark 16 weeks from race day. Becky bought me this wonderful book, The Non-Runner's Marathon Trainer (David Whitsett, Forrest Dolgener, Tanjala Cole; McGraw Hill, 1998.) It is a training program based on a course the authors taught at the University of Northern Iowa 5 times over a decade during which they took a class full of non-runners of all shapes, sizes, and ages and took them from step 1 to completing a marathon 16 weeks later. It's an inspiring book detailing the week-by-week regimen, as well as providing a guide to the mental exercise of running a marathon. There's also loads of anecdotal reading in it. I highly recommend it to anyone out there thinking about doing this.

However, to prepare to embark on that regimen at the 16-weeks out mark, I need to get up to being able to run a steady 3 miles without stopping, 4 times a week. So that's my focus over the next few weeks and months. I did set some benchmark goals to shoot for. I will be running a 5k on April 28th, and a 10k on May 19th. Gotta have something to shoot for, right?

So, this first week I actually did what I set out to do. I signed up for the marathon. I put it out there for everyone to see. I formulated a plan of attack. I  exercised 4 times (3 days of my Cto5K program, 1 longer walk) and I ate healthier than I have in years (more on that later...)

Here are the stats:
Weight on Monday 3/11: 288.7 lbs
Weight on Sunday 3/17: 283 lbs
Weight loss to date: 5.7 lbs

Mon: 31:30 minutes, 2 miles   walk/run
Wed: 31:30 minutes, 2 miles   walk/run
Fri: 31:30 minutes, 2.10 miles  walk/run
Sat: 1hr, 3.1 miles walk (brisk)
Total miles for week: 9.2

The total for the week was 9.2 miles. Pretty good for me. But, compared to what a "marathoner" should be doing...well let's just say I have a long way to go. But in the past, when I tried to get into shape, I would never do more than 3 days a week. I convinced myself that was enough. And even that, I would have a hard time sustaining. So, I did it for one week. Woo hoo! Small victories. Now let's see if I can do it for another. And another, and so on... Honestly, I've always wimped out or found an excuse to stop after 2 weeks (rehearsal gets too busy, kids stuff gets in the way, work stuff, my own laziness, etc.,) Not this time though. Cuz you're all watching! (Incidentally, as of this writing, Monday 3/18, I've already been out this morning before work!)

Becky has been cooking "clean" food for me. A week or two of no meat, dishes made with quinoa or wild rice, lots of vegetables and fruits. Water with cranberry juice, dandelion tea, and lemon or lime. No artificial sweeteners, no preservatives. No dressings or sauces. Nothing processed. Don't worry, I'm not going all hippy drippy vegan and shit (no offense to my hippy drippy vegan friends out there!) It's just to jump start my metabolism and clean out my system. There's a lot of years of beer, wings, ribs, Chinese, so on and so forth, built up in there! It has actually been enjoyable and fulfilling. And I feel great. I recommend trying it sometime.

Starting week 2 of exercising with that giant goal of a marathon in mind, looming on the horizon. It does change things I think. It gives you a purpose for doing it. Yes the purpose and rewards of exercising are internal, I know. "I'll feel better. I'll look better. I'll live longer. I'll have more energy, reduce cholesterol, improve my heart, loose weight, yada, yada, yada..." But, having that tangible, concrete event out there? Marked on my calendar? For me, that helps up the ante. My wife would often get pissed at me that those other reasons weren't enough to do something about it for real. It wasn't that they aren't important. But lacking self-confidence gets you. Your own mind spends years telling you "you can't." You start to fall into an acceptance. A sense of "Well, maybe this is just who I'm supposed to be. The fat friend. The fat dad." You know the one. There's always the guy. The big guy who's a barrel of laughs. The guy who has the reputation for being able to put down the most wings. At the wedding, the guy who elicits the comment, "Wow, he moves really well for a big guy!" To which someone responds (or maybe even he himself,) "Yeah, you should have seen him when he was younger and not overweight." I've been that guy for so long now. And it hurt. And it was frustrating. But it was also comfortable on some level. And I was starting to settle into thinking that maybe like it or not, that's just who I am.

But then, one day your'e doing something with your son. And he says so innocently, "I can't wait to be big like you one day...well, I mean a grown up. Not fat or anything..." That knocks you on your ass like a freight train. We hope our kids find their own way, and be their own person and such. But we also want to be the one they admire and look up to. The one they aspire to be like. A hero in their eyes. But then your kid reminds you that there is something about you that they don't admire and it's sobering. But is it enough?  Again, it's that touchy feely, metaphysical reason. And that doesn't always spark it for everyone. And on some level, it hasn't been enough in the past. But then it gets said at just the right time.  Pretty much on the eve of deciding whether or not to run a marathon. That tangible event staring you in the face. 26.2 miles. $175 paid. Added to all the intrinsic reasons for getting into shape, it all elevates a few notches.

So I'm off and running, so to speak. BTW, 3 out of the 5 times I've run/walked the past week (including today) I did it in the wee hours of the morning before work (or before Saturday got going.) I think I'm on to something. I really enjoyed being up when no one else was. The quiet of the world asleep. I'm more rested too. And seeing as how I've cut out caffine, it wakes my ass up too. But, I'll talk more about the joys of morning next week. For now, the new world is here and it's a frightening and inspiring place. Go get it!

Lastly, I'm going to post this question every week and see what my answer is. Maybe it'll change. Maybe not. But Thom told me a few weeks ago that I needed to ask myself this when deciding whether to do it or not. So, here it is:

Question: Why run a Marathon?
Answer: Because I have to.

All roads lead to Chicago!

Well, here goes nothing! Over the next 7 months, I will be preparing to do the craziest, scariest, most absurd thing I think I have ever done in my life. I'm 41 years old. I weigh 288 pounds. I haven't really been "in shape" of anynote since college. I can barely run 5 minutes without feeling like I'm gonna die. And with all of that, as of last night, I am officially registered for the 2013 Chicago Marathon! Yup-I'm nucking futs! It was all at the urging of my buddy from college, Thom Ingram (with a healthy dose of support from my wife Becky.) Thom started running several years ago after getting divorced. He has since remarried and has become an avid runner completing a few marathons. Thom pitched this to me last October. I was like "yeah, right. Sure. Whatever." And didn't really think about it seriously for months. Then he calls me on Sunday February 17th and tells me registration is opening on Tuesday the 19th and we need to decide if we're doing it because it'll fill up fast. So, after going back and forth, weighing pros and cons (pro-I'll get into the best shape I've been in in years, and do something life altering...con-my heart will explode and I'll die,) I decided, what the hell. Let's go for it! So, after a total registration system snafu I won the lottery to register. I never win anything! Not scratch offs, not poker, not slot machines, and certainly not the lottery. Except this time I did. Out of 32,000 entries, I was one of 15,000 selected to register for the race. Yay. I won. Finally. Great. Guess that's the "universe" or whatever, trying to tell me something.

Thom has run 3 or 4 marathons, I think. His brother who is joining us has also. This will be my first. No half marathon to lead up. No lesser known low-key marathon to test the waters. No small races with a couple thousand. Nope. I will be cutting my teeth with 45,000 other people in one of the top world-class elite races, in one of the greatest cities.

It's a homecoming of sorts. I lived there for almost a year when I attempted Acting grad school at Depaul University back in 1995-96. I hated the school but loved the city. Thom came out to visit once for a week. We always fancied ourselves as The Blues Brothers (I'm Jake, he's Elwood.) Although I thought the city was wonderful, I went through a tough time out there. School didn't work out. Acting didn't work out. I was alone and re-evaluating my life and the direction it was taking. So, how appropriate and full circle to be going back now to do this thing. This utterly ridiculous thing that I am not even sure I can do, but I am going to do it anyway. I'd say that overall I am happy with the direction my life has taken since my time in the Windy City. I have a wonderful wife, two beautiful, amazing kids. I live in a great town and have a good job. I even started a theatre company. Life is good. I'm happy with everything. Except...my health. Especially my weight, and everything that comes with that. Clothes suck. Physical activity sucks. Sleep sucks.

I've been sort of exercising and trying on and off to watch what I'm eating for a few weeks now with mixed results. So, how do I combat that and get serious and consistent? By entering a momentous running race with my dear friend and 45,000 other people.

Okay. So. First day, post registration. I've started a blog. Not sure what my purpose is with it just yet, except that I feel like I need to be open and public about this journey in order to be held accountable not only to myself, but to others. I know, I know. You do this sort of thing (running a marathon) for yourself. Yes. I get it. And no one is going to be harder on me than me. But, it doesn't hurt to know that you have people looking over your shoulder, asking you how it's going, giving you support and encouragement, as well as calling you out when you falter. I also hope that by sharing my experience, maybe others will be inspired to get up and do something they never thought they would ever do.

So, Day 1-heading out this evening to do 2 miles of a mixed walk-run. (Using the Cto5K app on my phone. It's a great app for getting started.)
Goal: to do the prescribed workout without having to stop.

First step is the hardest, right? Well, here we go. In the wise words of an 900 year-old little green Jedi master: "Do or do not. There is no try..."

All roads lead to Chicago!